Ah~ love is hard

Who is deney to me? A classmate? A frien? Do friend do like what couples do? Is he my lover? As far as i cn see theres no future for me and him together..-ugh im nt sure, one minute he would say,do, and act like a lover would do..bt sumtimes i feel like its just for fun..a friend wt benefit?
How cn he said that i smpai hati buat those thing to him? Well,the othr day i told hm nt to see me again,i cnt move on when we stil seeing each other, gatal sgt dah tgn ku kn chat sama ia,ikat tia pkah d tiang lampung d luar a2,told hm im meeting amir and his reply was me byk alasan if it comes to hm,tebuat org d jmpai? ,man..rasa kn bnr2 buatkn ia jeles brabis, he is too ego..didnt want to tell whats in his mind,n im tired wt it,

What do u want?

My precious cat

Oh so cute...if only these cat can talk..,hey cat stop those intimidating stare and give me those sexy cute pose...

My office desk

im obsessed with PLAYSTATION!!!!!

awu bnar .. true i think i'm obsessed ...kan bli game nya alum ku beusin ..man i need some money...kwn ku sorang ni lagi why the hell you quit your job ? i told you many times before if you wana quit ur job please standby kan another job ani payah lagi ko kan mencari garu2 kan bekeraja..kan ambil lesen tah..tapi ndakan duit atu gugur di langit...mun bnar ada then aku tah yg 1st kan menyambut tu.. ko ne ta bna dang...bebuih mulut ku menasihati ko mcm angin sepoi2 ko buat...nda apa.. btw laptop acer mu yg kan ko jual ah luan jua mahalnya ... 2nd hand jua toh..i mean u bli like $1058 last year now u wana sell me $1000 cheh no need girl...my friend ckp "koq mahal amat sih, laptop nya mau di jual seribu" nah kan...walaupun kan beguna usin ..like i need money too you know...kan bli scanner and hp and um~ yeah new lapto and aircond..i know2 i'm a big spender but liat lah klau ckup usin. unlike you mcm nda teratur bah udah tah hp 2 buting ..dst and 3g ..satu tuk bf satu tuk scandal...bek adang deh..bf mu baik ..ok lagi..apa lagi yg ko mau? whatever it is make up your mind women...






as you can see i like to draw, sketch things but klau kan belajar art in brunei y is it limited..like nada...x..., please make one so that at least people in brunei ani dpt belajar art to the next level...:(


i really want to buy hp..i'm bored with my old hp udah..but im not gonna sell it though coz ada sentimental value ... biar tia stay with me like forever.. geez esok lagi kan bjumpa org atu..and im not looking forward to it... makes me unhappy...what to do? memajal kaliah..um? maybe if ia msg me i will not reply..~ what if ia dtg jua? haiya, wo tala tau wo...i think you know who im talking about goldenheart...biasa~ i'm tired of having so much fun and really wana settle down..but i couldn't .. please help me i don't want to be left alone!! you know if i got a huge sum of money i probably went somewhere by now..out of country for a while..


to all people out there jgn beranak sorang saja coz its soooo loooonely this way...

Wishing its just nightmare

I thought u just having a small fever, turns up im deadly wrong, i wish i cn turn back time, hoping to erase all the bad memories u had..Mom, i missed u so much, it hurts~ , i was a pain, i did so many mistakes, i hurt u before u passed away..I wanted to ask for forgiveness, sadly i was too late..I cn never change that, i wana do lots things with u, i wana buy things u wanted , i kno u had too many hardship b4, u are always so nice even if ppl r being mean, u r always quiet bt even so u always tell your stories to me,



i hate my dad for treating u like maid..Hate him for making u work and lack of sleep, i often advice u nt to let him do that, u deserve to b treated better. Bt i guess as his "wife" u do things ur own way..U put up with his attitude until the end.., being a good wife and being a good mother..U even did everything u cn to me. I don't kno how u cn be so soft to ppl like us, u r an orphan i guess u don't want to be left alone.., dad was all u got..Having me and all, u who always prepared all the things for us, u who always gv money to us, u who always there to help us, u r everything to me, u who always listened to me, u who always talk about ppl u knew, nw that ur gone..I got nothing to look forward to, i work for u, i earn money for u, i guess things jz happen, no matter wat i do, it wont bring u bck, it wont turn back time, it wont change the fact that ur already gone..,

Immature

That's just so unfair..When people like me want to cry..Then let me cry my heart out..Why do i need to hold back my tears for your sake?, i often saw your eyes was swollen dad and i knew u cried, u think i didn't notice..? Sometimes i really think that u r stil immature, i don't mind if u shout or screamed at kid's but don't u think u r going over board by threatening them like punching or slapping them? I kno u cn, i kno ur sad, i kno u don't like kid's but u cn be better than that, at least be patience and try to control ur anger..After all they're just kid's.



yeah, i did punched them,kicked or slapping them bt only if they really did something wrong..I punished them for a reason , unlike u, don't u think that what u do and what u said to the kid's reflect to the parents too, why couldn't u pay someone who helped u by being nice? It's nt dat hard.., u really letting their spirit down.., it really brings up some unwanted memories when i was still a kid, u often said all u did back then was meant to teach me, huh? Teach me wat exactly? Teach me to hate u ?,

Still silently waiting

To tell u the truth i'm still silently waiting for u, but there's absolutely no news from u, i really hurt your feelings huh "g", actually i did received your msn text,but i totally didn't understand ey~ u send me a "football" emoticon? What exactly do u mean by dat? Is it u wana play football wt me "g" heh i wish but i kno you hate playing it, is it that u want to invite me watching football? No, pass..I hate watching it,unless if u get me a ticket for manchester or milan..Why? Because owh cme on~ manchester is top on chart ryte nw, plus milan? I probably don't watch the team playing,just david beckham,so hot..Have u seen his poster with posh lately,so sexy, or maybe perhaps u imagine that the ball was me? So that u can kick me all u want? What? What? What?



if only i can turn back time, and fix this mess up, we wouldn't have to fight over these stupid argument,

on my break i met mr.Playboy..U know who he is goldenheart! To think that he still want to see me..Makes me happy a bit, i asked him to buy me sandwich and told him i would pay for it later when he arrives, bt to my surprise he told me nt to pay,its his treat, well this is pretty much surprising for me coz for over 9 years i knew him, these is the 1st time he treat me..But u should know by now he probably want something in return. He want a kiss,well i don't mind actually..At least i know that he wanted my kisses.., sorry N.D *tsk tsk* i know u probably want it oh so badly too and get jealous about it bt oh well..,

though i want to kiss "g" again like before but i know for sure it will never happen~ever~again, things are different now, and i don't want to get involve with complicated things, no one is as special as yam, not sure if she's the last person i ever fell in love with, bt things in life can change..I might fall in love tmrw..With a guy or girl it doesn't matter, i might be a bi bt no..I don't wanna label myself..I might get confused- "life full of shit~just flow with it"

it's my fault okay..happy?!!!!!!!!!

okay ...fine!!!!i know it's my fault okay!!! i know i made a promise, it's not like i break the promise on purpose..it's just happened to be a bad timing...for your information "g" i do keep that promise, it's only one small mistake. you should know by now that i try my best to be there, you knew it was raining so why the rush? why so impatient? it's not the end of days...






i thought i knew you but years had passed and i can see a lil bit changes in you..i don't know anymore what you want, what you need, knew you for 5 years "g"...5 fucking years...still you don't know me kan? what the hell am i doing with you then? why the hell do i waste my time hearing your complain and problems? am i not good enough? what do you expect from me? i didn't know whether i should be laughing or angry at you...


garfield..garfield..garfield..how i hated those nick name..it reminds me of your x .. your stupid barbarian x .. garfield that..garfield this..all garfield things...if only he break the habit of hitting you..you probably happier with him by now...i missed the old you..the innocent you...the wild you...the naughty you...you used to be my drinking partner..the one who'se fun to be with, thing's are different now i get it...i guess i changed to...


i was so pissed off by your attitude these morning...like i said you're so impatient...i didn't fucking care about the credit that i gave you okay...i gave you with opened heart...i don't need you to repay me for that...now i decided not to contact you anymore...um~ not sure how long it's gonna take for me not to..or vice versa...but we'll see...we'll see.

"You've Got A Friend" - mcfly lyric

"You've Got A Friend"

When you're down and troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, nothing is going right
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You've got a friend

If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together
And call my name out loud, yeah
Soon I'll be knocking upon your door

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running, oh yes I will
To see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ain't it good to know that you've got a friend
When people can be so cold
They'll hurt you, and desert you
And take your soul if you let them
Oh yeah, but don't you let them

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there, yes I will.

You've got a friend
You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again (oh baby don't you know)
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
Lord, I'll be there yes I will.
You've got a friend

Oh, you've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
You've got a friend.

"All About You" - mcfly lyric

"All About You"

[Danny:]
It's all about you
([Tom:] It's about you)
It's all about you, baby
([Tom:] It's all about you)
It's all about you
([Tom:] It's about you)
It's all about you

[Tom:]
Yesterday, you asked me something I thought you knew.
So I told you with a smile 'It's all about you'
Then you whispered in my ear and you told me too,
Say 'If you make my life worthwhile, it's all about you'

[Danny:]
And I would answer all you're wishes, if you asked me to.
But if you deny me one of your kisses, don't know what I'd do.
So hold me close and say three words, like you used to do.
Dancing on the kitchen tiles, it's all about you.
Yeah...

[Solo]

[Danny & Tom:]
And I would answer all you're wishes, if you asked me to.
But if you deny me one of your kisses, don't know what I'd do.
So hold me close and say three words, like you used to do.
Dancing on the kitchen tiles,
Yes you make my life worthwhile,
So I told you with a smile...
It's all about you.

[Danny:]
It's all about you
([Tom:] It's about you)
It's all about you, baby
([Tom:] It's all about you)
It's all about you
([Tom:] It's about you)
It's all about you

"I'll Be OK" - mcfly lyric

"I'll Be OK"

When everything is going wrong
And things are just a little strange
It's been so long now
You've forgotten how to smile.
And overhead the skies are clear
But it still seems to rain on you,
And your only friends all have
Better things to do.

[Chorus:]
When your down and lost
And you need a helping hand
When your down and lost
Along the way
Oh, just tell yourself
Ah, I'll be OK

Now things are only getting worse
And you need someone to take the blame
When your lover's gone
There's no-one to share the pain
Your sleeping with the TV on
And your lying in an empty bed
All the alcohol in the world
Could never help me to forget

[Chorus:]
When your down and lost
And you need a helping hand
When your down and lost
Along the way,
Just try a little harder
Try your best to make it
Through the day,
Oh just tell yourself
Ah, I'll be OK

You're not alone (you're not alone)
You're not alone (you're not alone)
You're not alone

Just tell yourself
Ah, I'll be OK
Oh, just tell yourself
Ah, I'll be OK
Won't you tell yourself

[Chorus:]
When your down and lost
And you need a helping hand
When your down and lost
Along the way,
Try a little harder
Try your best to make it
Through the day

Oh, just tell yourself
Ah, I'll be OK
Ah, I'll be OK
Ah, I'll be OK

"She Left Me" - mcfly lyric

"She Left Me"

She walked in and said she didn't wanna know
Anymore
Before i could ask why she was gone out the door
I didn't know, what i did wrong
But now i just can't move on

Since she left me
She told me
Don't worry
You'll be OK you don't need me
Believe me you'll be fine
Then i knew what she meant
And it's not what she said
Now i can't believe that she's gone

I tried calling her up on her phone
No one's there,
I've left messages after the tone...
Really?
Yeah man loads

I didn't know, what i did wrong
But now i just can't move on

[Chorus]

"Not Alone" - mcfly lyric

"Not Alone"

Life is getting harder day by day
And I don't know what to do, what to say
And my mind is growing weak every step I take
It's uncontrollable. Now they think I'm fake, yeah

Coz I'm not alone, no, no, no
I'm not alone, no, no, no
I'm not alone,

And I, I get on the train on my own
And my tired radio keeps playing tired songs
And I know that there's not long to go
Oh, and all I wanna do I just go home

[chorus]

People rip me for the clothes I wear
Every day just seems to be the same
They just swear
They just don't care [x3]

[chorus]

Na na na na's

Coz I'm not alone, no, no, no
La la la la, yeah, yeah. I'm not alone,

"Met This Girl" - mcfly lyric

"Met This Girl"

Well I met this girl, just the other day,
I hope I don't regret, the things that I said now,
And when we're laughing joking with each other now, I'm glad I met this girl
She didn't walk away,
I think she was impressed and was having a good time,
And when we're laughing joking with each other,
Spending all our time together...

When she walks in the room my heart goes boom!
Ba ba ba ba ba da ba, [x2]
I tried to take her home but she said,
You're no good for me...

She's got a pretty face, such a lovely name,
I don't want my friends to see, they might take her away from me,
She's one I won't forget, in a long long long time,
Now I really want the world to see,
That she is the one for me,

When she walks in the room my heart goes boom, yeah
Ba ba ba ba ba da ba [x2]
I tried to take her home but she said:
You're no good for me!

The first time that I saw her she stole my heart,
And if we were together, nothing could tear us apart,

When she walks in the room my heart goes boom [x3]
I tried to take her home but she said: you're no good for me

When she walks in the room my heart goes boom,
Ba ba ba ba ba da ba [x2]
I tried to take her home but she said you're no good for me

Ba ba ba ba ba da ba [x8]

Well, that morning like always, i boiled some hot water for my boss to drink,..Then did my work as usual, putting some document inside a file, had to calculate list of stock pricing for the auditor. Suddenly, my spider sensor sense something, jeng3...its like i saw someone familiar, kinda looks like an elf,no..Um..Boogeyman? Hold on~ owh si damit....Um....? Maybe my eyes playing tricks on me, as u can see im nt a morning person, kinda sleepy lagi, so got double vision ma~ i adjust my vision to 100% n zoom in, adjusting my super sonic ear and concentrated on the target,


yeah,its him alright, si damit...What does he want? A truce ? Keep on dreaming old man. I point my ultra violet ray canon towards him, and lock on the target. *no way he's gona escape these baby ray!" , push the launch button n "BOOOM!" ,

Lyric from claymore

Ah~ traversing over many nights,
frozen dreams and fading tears,
love me,
i cannot love anyone,
but i hate myself too,
i still don't see the end after walking this far,
dragging along the memories of the past,
what colour will this body be tainted by?
I search for that answer,

what the hell do u need me for?

i don't know what to do...what to believe...anymore...you told me long time ago that you wanted me to be your girl...i was so stupid not to realize what you felt before...without thinking i told you not to see me again...not to call...msg...i said something awful that made you cry...i did'nt realize it was your real feelings...how am i supposed to know? we both got our own problems, we both got hurt from love alot. we both got so many breakups...what we had is nothing more than a game, where we can relieved each other sadness...pleasure...after a long silence...despite i told you not to see me...u did anyway...you got her as the one you love...i hate the bitch...i hate you...but i don't want to waste my time anymore...though you got her already...you still want me...for what? lust? pleasure? i'm not a player anymore..at least i think that way...we got that same problem...commitment phobia...can't stay in a relationship too long...fear of trust...which i hate...now that you told me you are over with her...you came to see me again...and now i don't know what for? i can't do what you ask me to do...i don't feel anymore love in me left...i avoid love, i ranaway from love, i hate love ... it hurts..its painful...but i won't say i never fall in love again...it takes times to heal...the wound just kept bigger and bigger.

nothingness

i really wanna go see my real family..where they lived...what they do for living...getting to know my real brothers and sisters...i wanted to know more about my half brothers and sisters too...1st wife...2nd wife...3rd wife...even his 4th wife...anything...anything about grandparents background...i got no idea what they're doing right now!! ma~ aku tau aku nda tau latar belakang mu, kehidupan mu, kesusahan dan kesenangan mu...but i hope ur doing okay ryte now...i miss you even though i don't know you that well...we only see each other like a year or two...but why do i feel like missing you tonite? if brother sam kahwin these may would you be there? i'm not sure if ma pernah jumpa si amoi...coz i know she probably eager to see you...that little sister of mine tend to be rebellious sometimes...just like me...i guess...btw ma~ i'm not sure if he is for real or not...but i don't like "D" ... he came to see me before...claiming he's my half brother...but...why the hell he did that to me? is it even aloud? i don't think so...whatever happen to him? when ayah~ passed away long time ago...nobody told me about it...so thats why i never jumpa ia anymore ...i missed him too..how he hug me, how he talked to me...all i knew about him is that he got a moustache..thats it...i couldn't remember his face though...god damn it yan~!!!! ma~ i'm really worried here...*eskimo kiss*...when i got nothing here anymore ..would you take me with you.? anywhere is fine...!!!!!!!

Auditor blues

Damn~ every beginning of the year, i had to prepare stocklist and prices on each of the item that we sell, had to type and print them, it was so many that i had to brought back home in order to finish it by the end of these month.


this year got so much to do so the manager asked one of d staff in beribi to help me type half of d stocklist. I'm okay with it but as i re-checked the list of pricing she did, most of the total got mistakes..So i had to asked her to check it again and print the new one..I'm nt sure when will d auditor gona come but i was hoping that she finish it by these weekend...

U never learn your lesson

Well mr. Playboy, what is it that u want in life? Some people jz don't kno wat their doing, if he got sum1 he love, then he shouldn't hv an affair anymo, nw both of d girls *his fiance n gf* left him at d same time.


i guess he never learn his lesson, ryte after the breakup, he went to c me, talking about his miserable life, instead of talkin, y nt he just go to the fiance, n try to settle things, bt he seems pretty much ok, he told me "he is frustrated about the breakup bt at d same time felt happy!" so much 4 love..,

Am i just a replacement?

Do u ever think about love? I do.., like most of the time i often asked myself a question, do i deserve "love"? Am i worthed to be with? Cn i satisfy the person whose in "love" with me? Do u really "love" me for me or am i just sum1 who r just replacement frm ur lost love?


i know that i am nt perfect, nt the same with ur previous lover and ex's , i admit i cn be total ass sumtimes, a bad person with a bad habit, i need 2 kno dat person, if i like them, i cherish,protect n always gv them support. I'm considerate on ppl's feeling rather than mine, bt sumtimes i tend to b selfish, i'm nt the kind of girl easily fall for love, its nt easy to gain my trust. Don't u tink "love" is jz a word, u need to show how deep ur "love" is, are u willing to sacrifice everything to protect it, what good "love" is when u don't kno how to appreciate it? Is love only for lust?

me back then~

#4~kate moennig a.k.a shane (Lword)

so~ HOT! HOT! HOT! damn~ i just wish there would be more Lword for me to watch but unfortunately season six gonna be the end of it..gosh~ no..lword means no..kate moennig? no shane? ugh~ can stand it i tell ya...!

#3~kate moennig a.k.a shane (Lword)

#2~kate moennig a.k.a shane (Lword)

kate moennig a.k.a shane (Lword)

me and rnir

he's like a brother to me .. a backstabber brother that is...but despite of that he got a good side too...because of him i know so many stuff. he teach me something new everyday...wise and smart guy... before he's in an army but guess it's not the job for him. most of the time he would sleep while working ha3 sometimes he would go into the store room just to take a nap...cheh~ i'm not sure what's his hobby...uh~ is eating a hobby too? coz he always eat a lot.. the whole chicken couldn't satisfy him ha3 still remember the time when he bought some food..fried rice..i think...and he bought these salted egg (talor masin) at the front store. now...he was sooo.. hungry at that time..he didn't bother to boiled the salted egg...he just cracked it and put on the fried rice..i said to him .."whoa bro...what you doing? are you really gonna eat that?" ..he looked at me confused...he looked down at his food and said "oh shit~~i thought the salted egg already cooked oh~ it's still raw"


"haha how come you didn't know that? ofcoz you need to boiled it first.." i said to him laughing.

"how am i supposed to know? back in our country they already cooked it..there's no need to boiled it..haiya.."

"so...~ buy a new food then.."

"nah...~ i just eat these food...i don't have enough money plus i'm hungry right now"


so there he goes..eating the fried rice with a raw salted egg on top...ewww...that's surely taste awful...i looked at him disbelieved...then after a while i saw him nearly puke ha3 serves him right...~


p.s: bro..u still got my right earing...i know it does look cool when you wear it...heck i need those earing back coz now i'm only wearing my left earing..mom been nagging me for that..ha3 btw good luck working in dubai...bring me stuff when you go back here..you backstabber..(kidding)

me at the beach

these picture of mine was taken by someone i knew before .. a friend of mine. name dollah but i prefer to call him ham...he's around 45 years old, he's not local...sometimes when i'm off from work he took me out. sometimes to the beach, or to k.b ...spending time with him is so much fun..i respect him and he's such a gentleman unlike some guys i knew...he teach me stuff and advice.




i never knew a nice guy like him truly exist...always gave me present and surprise me..mature and sweet. he told me he's a photographer and it's his passion and hobby besides from fishing and scuba diving that is...he often asked me to go fishing with him but i refused eeww slimy fish ..no thank q. there's one time..he took me to his studio...he was rehearsing some music with his friends, some playing violin, piano and drums. i was so uncomfortable sitting there with a bunch of old guys staring at me...


now he's not here anymore...he got a job in dubai...i'm not sure what job he got but he did told me he was working on a cruise ship...probably as a chef coz he know how to cook unlike me ehehe plus he was working as a chef in some hotels before..

me with my cat

border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5295269010998510978" />


mind you these picture was taken like years ago...i was sitting on the sofa...nothing for me to do so i took a picture ehehe

picture of mika

mika also work in c.h before...as far as i know. she always smiles even if she was being scolded. so cheerful and nice to everyone.





i asked her before why her nickname mika? i thought that she was a fan of mika hakinen o something ehehe

picture of mika and miriam

picture of miriam and her friend

these picture of her and her friend i took when she was still working in c.h,

miriam ehem2

no matter what..what's done is done...so many years had past since she went back to her country..but you know some thing's just so memorable to forget..she can bring happiness and sadness to me...i don't know who she is to me but one thing for sure i know...she is precious to me now and then..




i like the way she smile..i like the way she cry..these is the picture i took..a week before her flight back home... *tsk tsk*



i'm a person who won't show my tears to anyone..but she..she can make me cry..easily.


i missed how you gave me that look, i missed how you advice me not to smoke, i missed how you grabbed me, i missed how i kissed you, i missed how i nibble your ear and lickin it, i missed how i felt about you, i missed how noty u r..i missed your innocent look. i missed how annoying you are...i really missed you!! so much it hurts.


im sorry i'm no good to you, sorry for being mean, sorry for not sending you and see you off to airport, sorry for slapping you but damn~ you should know your own fault, i'm sorry i took back the necklace i gave for your birthday...

me sama coz

whoa gmbr masa time damit ne...me sama coz me ..haha mcm pemarah usulnya coz me ah...maka sama umur...

my friend taz

these is taz..the tazmanian devil...ehehe i've known her when i was working in c.h, she's adorable like a pet but when she bite ya...it's lethal...






i gave her soooo many nickname...taz a.k.a garfieldgal...people said she's beauttiful..well i guess so...i fall for her b4 but it was so hard and complex with her.


she was my drinking mate...b4 we drunk soo hard ... i couldn't believe i nearly slept with her...i kissed her and uh~ i rmbr touching her ... sucking her breast and all. but that's it...i just did it on the upper part of her body ...damn~ how i wanna do the lower part...cheh~


cuddling and hugging on the bed ~


there's one time we were drinking at a guy friend staff house, man he's soo horny when he sees us...i was sleeping beside taz at the time when suddenly taz shook me off and told me he's outside the room. i can hear him outside trying to go in but i locked the door earlier..when he couldn't get in ..he tried again to go in using other way..mind you..i would protect taz from anything especially to these horny guys...